i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
