His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
being pregnant is like rehab
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
