A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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