you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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