Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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