Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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