How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
