I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
