Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I've blown a few things in my day
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
