dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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