Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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