This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
