Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
one might say we're banned from that church
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
