I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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