mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
