I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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