Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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