I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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