Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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