I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
