Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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