I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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