So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
They have beer where we have blood.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
