This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
