Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
