Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
