I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
What a dumb baby whore.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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