I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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