he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
