Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
