i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
