Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
