I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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