I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
