I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
