Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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