If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I love having hate sex.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
