I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
