Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
they're like a gay fantastic four
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
