A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
