Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
if only i could text you this smell
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
