do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
