what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
