Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
