my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
