glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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