Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
