This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Randomize
