This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
