just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
