someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
